


Shut up, Zagi!

by CuteCat213



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, F/F, Humor, M/M, One Shot, Three-way Relationship, slight crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 23:16:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2326739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuteCat213/pseuds/CuteCat213
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the end of a FAR too long shift and none of them (by a majority vote of two-thirds) have the patience left for the hostage situation brewing behind the locked door. They just want to get home, or at least the car, but tempers are fraying and-- Shut up, Zagi!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shut up, Zagi!

"I want a deal, I want him here. Bring him to me!"

Flynn held his hands up to the closed door, "Okay, okay... we'll see what we can do."

Yuri scoffed next to him, "Yeah: not much."

The blonde gave his fellow officer an incredulous look that managed to be chastising at the same time and hissed at him, " _Yuri_."

" _What_? He's not an  _idiot_. We aren't even negotiators, we're only detectives, he has to know we don't have the authority to make calls like that."

"We can still do  _something_. And it's a good thing we  _aren't_  negotiators with you saying things like that!"

"Are you saying I couldn't be a negotiator if I tried?"

"I'm saying the point of negotiations is to get everyone out  _alive_ , not antagonize the person with the gun."

"I'm not 'antagonizing' him; I'm being truthful.  _This_  would be antagonizing:" he opened his mouth and turned to the plain white door-

Only to have Flynn's hand clamp over his mouth, " _Yuri!_ Will you  _please_  stop it? Okay: no, you would not make a good negotiator. You couldn't even keep on with your job as a waiter because of your... lacking people skills..."

The dark-haired male shoved Flynn's hand from his mouth, "Okay,  _One_ : It wasn't  _my_  social skills that caused me to lose that job and-"

Flynn gave him another look, "You stabbed a customer with a fork."

Obsidian eyes glared at him, "And  _two_ : he  _deserved it_! You can't just grope someone in public and try to sexually assault them! I  _told him_  to fork off or I'd get violent."

"That didn't give you the right to  _stab_  him!"

"Self-defense! I was  _acquitted_ of that charge!"

A third voice, coming from the male leaning against the opposite hall seemingly without a care to the lives potentially in the balance on the other side of the door -hey, if  _Flynn_  and  _Yuri_  couldn't work up the energy to give a fuck about the numb-nuts and his vic-tits in there,  _he_  sure as hell wasn't- "Better Yuri got to him first anyway; he wouldn't have had a hand to grab anyone else with if it'd been me."

Flynn cast a glare his way, "Shut up, Zagi."

"The only one who gets to grope Yuri in public is  _me_. ...Not that it's easy to restrain oneself when Yuri's wearing bunny ears..."

It was Yuri's turn to glare while Flynn looked away with his cheeks turning red in what could only be embarrassed agreement, "Shut up, Zagi."

All three detectives turned their attention back to the situation at hand when the voice of their suspect came through the door, "What the hell are you doing out there?! Get me a District Attorney if you can't make deals!"

Flynn once again tried to make nice, "We will; they're on their way."

Neither Yuri nor Zagi could hold back their snorts, though it was the multi-hued male that spoke, "Yeah, like Little-Tits is going to do anything with our names attached to this cluster-fuck." Both of them glared at him and he rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I know: 'shut up Zagi,.'"

Then Yuri turned back to the blonde and hitched a thumb Zagi's way, "What he said. The 'esteemed Rita Mordio' isn't going to do a damn thing for us since that whole bikini incident." Flynn stared at him until he felt obligated to put his hands up defensively, "Which, I'd like to point out, was  _also_  not my fault.  _You_  started that game of chicken,  _Karol_  pushed her into the pool,  _Judy_  was the one to dunk her, and  _Zagi_  -well, Raven, too- commented when she lost her top. None of that was my doing!"

"And of course her falling had  _nothing_  to do with you swimming around with a fake shark fin strapped to your back."

"Okay -again-  _one:_  I was trying to scare  _Karol_ , which, you know,  _worked_ , because he's  _twelve_. And  _two_ : It was a  _swimming pool_. Our  _private_  swimming pool. Did she  _really_ think we kept sharks in the pool? As if: Chlorine is bad for them."

"And then ordered Repede to fetch her from the water like a rag doll, which is the  _reason_  she lost her top: kinda hard not to when Repede  _bit through the string_."

"It's not my fault she agreed to a pool party without knowing how to swim! Not my fault she's afraid of Repede when we tried to  _save her life_ and her own flailing caused her wardrobe malfunction."

Flynn sighed; one of those deep, resounding, put-upon sighs, " _Yuri..._ "

Zagi smirked, "It was hilarious."

Flynn gave him another glare, "Shut. Up. Zagi."

There was a frustrated shout from behind the door, "Damn you! FEAR ME!"

Flynn cast one of his utterly disbelieving incredulous looks at the door- the kind usually reserved for his partners, while Yuri stared in stunned surprise and Zagi started cackling. Zagi shook his head, his tri-colored hair moving with the motion, "You know, it'd save us a whole bunch of paperwork if he just killed the hostages. I mean; if he gets a deal there's witness statements and interviews, requests for leniency and harsher punishment, appeals... Save us a whole lot of time and paperwork if he just killed them all- himself, too, while we're on the subject- and then all we'd have to do is a simple write-up of the situation. Just sayin': save us time that could be better spent otherwise- like fooling around down in the squad car."

Both of them glared at him that time, and spoke in sync, "Shut up, Zagi."

He huffed, crossed his arms, and looked away, "Whatever." Their attention was drawn away when the sharp click of heels against flooring sounded from down the hall and- "Speak of the bitch."

The short brunette glared up at him hotly, "Shut up,  _Zagi_." He scowled down at her and wondered how long she'd been eavesdropping to hear that much of the argument, because that might possibly have been the only time she'd ever called him by his name. 'Knife-wielding psycho' was a long-time favorite. 'Insidious leech' another. But no, he was pretty sure she'd never  _actually_ said his  _actual_ name before.

Rita turned to his partners and Flynn gave her the run-down while Yuri leaned back against the wall, apparently bored with the proceedings now that he wasn't arguing. He barely kept from rolling his eyes when Rita tried to burn a hole through his head with the intensity of her gaze, "And you just  _promised_  him those things?! What were you thinking?!"

"That we make sucky negotiators, apparently." The dark-haired one replied wryly.

Zagi grinned ferally as he pushed up from the wall and stretched, mirroring Yuri's actions on the opposite side of the hall, and hip-checked the short spit-fire as he walked past, "Tag, you're it. Congratulations: this is now officially your cluster-fuck. Have fun~"

Her small hands clenched into fists, "Shut up, you- you-"

"Zagi?" He suggested.

All of them heard Yuri's spine crack as he finished stretching, "Actually, I'm with Zagi on this one. My apparently fragile social graces have been strained to the limit, and I'm about done with this massively over-timed shift. Good luck, Rita, Estelle." he nodded to the pink-haired negotiator who'd finally caught up to the fun of her over-enthusiastic DA.

Rita's look turned murderous as Zagi gave a cocky smirk over his shoulder and threw his arm around Yuri's waist, the motion so natural and well-practiced that it didn't throw off either man's stride, and Flynn bowed to the two women with an apologetic, half-pained smile before trotting after to catch up with his partners, meshing with them perfectly as Zagi threw an arm around his waist as well, still not breaking stride.

The fuming District Attorney brushed off Estelle's concern, shaking in rage as those-those-those absolutely  _insufferable_  males just-just dropped their mess at her feet and walked off, "Going down to screw in the patrol car?!"

Estelle gasped, "Rita..."

Yuri waved his hand uncaringly while Zagi grinned over his shoulder at her, "Anytime you get over your jealousy, man-hating, and love of cunt, feel free to come join us~!"

 _That_  got a reaction as both his partners and boyfriends smacked him upside the back of his head (but secretly knowing they'd never make it all the way home after the hell this entire shift had been), voices ringing out in perfect unison, "Shut  _up_ , Zagi."

"Those-those...!"

Estelle looked over in surprise as the door opened and the man inside put the gun down, a near-visible cloud of despair around him that prompted her to speak, "Um, hello?"

He held out his wrists, shoulders slumped, "I surrender: no one's listening to me anyway."


End file.
